I have this fantasy where I am graceful and smooth. I am light on my feet and have reflexes like a cat.
This is however, just that, a fantasy. I am clumsy, always awkwardly fumbling over myself in a grand and embarrassing fashion. I plow my way through life leaving broken objects in my wake. My body often covered in bruises and bumps due to my last run in with, well... me.
I recently dropped a bottle of unopened red wine. Those of you, who know me, will understand how traumatizing this was. I was left shaking as a stream of expletives came from me that would embarrass a sailor. I had just purchased it. It was still in the shopping bag when it rolled off the table onto the unforgiving floor. It did, however, leave the kitchen smelling fruit forward and robust, which was nice.
So I can dream all I want about transforming into a person who is lithe and lovely, but I know that is not in my future. So if there is coffee spilling, toes being stubbed, or toilets overflowing then chances are I will be there screaming “oh no, oh no, oh no…” among other things, and I am just going to have to make peace with that.
I did hear the expletives, but I don't think it was enough to embarrass a sailor. But I'm sure with practice, you could embarrass lots of sailors!
ReplyDeleteShhhh Loretta... it was poetics license... don't put me on blast :)
ReplyDeleteHaha! Loretta is hilarious! Maybe the sailor was Donald Duck, although I think he would also be difficult to embarrass.
ReplyDeleteI once dropped a bottle of wine that I got for a gift. In the doorway of the liquor store where I dropped it. And it was not cheap. The proprietor was very nice and replaced it for me though! (I was meeting boyfriend parents, so I think he knew I was a bundle of nerves and would be back later...)