Distraction and Dessert

As we grow older we become more self-aware (or at least that is the hope). This awareness is supposed to make us more fully realized human beings.

What no one ever tells you is that this awareness can also suck. That’s right, looking at oneself in the metaphorical mirror can really be brutal at times. Now I get it, we have to see our problems in order to change them. But dang it, sometimes it is really hard to look at those flaws. I don’t know about you but there are things about myself that I really don’t want to know.

For instance, I have been grappling with the fact that I don’t always deal with frustration or disappointment in my life directly. This has proved problematic over and over again. There is something very healthy about taking things head on, facing them and working through them. I don’t do this. My tactic avoids them as long as possible until I act out in often-destructive ways in different aspects of my life.

For instance, say you really wanted a fudge Sundae, but you cannot have a fudge Sundae, so instead of dealing with the fact that it is not available to you, you eat all the deserts that you didn’t really want. These desserts taste bad, and are completely sub-standard, but they are there and they are available. They serve as a distraction, until you have a tummy ache and are still have the longing for the thing you originally wanted.  This principle is how I operate in my life. It gets pretty ugly.

But I guess knowing these things about oneself is the first step to change, and change I must. I refuse to settle for a stale cookie, when I deserve a Sundae.

I also made another discovery… writing a blog when one is hungry is not the best idea.