The Un-Friend Friend

We all have them. They are our non-friend friends. Those people in our lives that make us question why we let them in, in the first place. Those individuals who tend to complicate our lives by bringing an unhealthy dose of negative energy. They are poison friends. They are emotional vampires sucking out our precious well being.

So why do we keep them? I know I for one have a hard time letting go of people that are not good for me. I think it’s partly because extracting such people from my life typically involves some sort of confrontation. I guess there is a way to phase people out, but this depends on how intimately involved with the person you are. I mean if you are spending lots of your precious hours with someone, and then you are suddenly are not, well they might become suspicious. You will get that confrontation that you where trying to avoid, only now it will be on their terms.

So that does leave you with going to the person, and addressing the problem head on. This is exhausting, and often painful for the parties involved. And sometimes the toxic types of people are not receptive to what you have to say anyways.

So again, why do we keep them? Perhaps even more importantly how did they get in our lives in the first place?

Well in my case, these types of relationships seem to spring up when I am most vulnerable. In times of great change, or when I am feeling my loneliest. I can recognize that. But by the time I realize that they are not good for me, they have firmly rooted themselves in my life.

I suppose they do serve one purpose. When contrasted to the better relationships in my life, I can really see how good the good ones are.

Of course I really should make the effort to extract the weeds in my life. We all should, we have the right to be emotionally and mentally healthy. And if a relationship hinders that emotional health, then it is not worth keeping. It has been a hard lesson for me, but one that I know is worth learning.