Flying in the Face of Fear

Something momentous happened today. A bird flew very near my face, and I did not flinch.

Now this may seem like a minor event. After all, birds fly around us everyday, especially since we humans are taking up more and more space on the planet due to overpopulation. It’s inevitable that we have a few head on collisions with nature.  And I am sure there are many people who have no problem with the presence of our feathered friends.  I will admit they are beautiful and amazing creatures (minus the in flight pooping, which I think we can all agree is a less desirable quality)

But for a very long time (and I am not sure when it started exactly) birds have frightened me. On more than one occasion the winged animals have sent me screaming in the other direction.

There is one instance I remember quite clearly when I was in one of those warehouse stores with a very good friend of mine. There happened to be a bird that somehow had flown himself into the store. My friend, a bit of a prankster, knowing my fear, chased the bird in my direction (yes we are still friends surprisingly enough). In a state of panic I dove into a display of economy size toilet paper rolls.

But today I did not flinch when a bird flew very near my face . And though it is an isolated instance, I feel like it is a micro example of a bigger happening in my life.

I am changing. I have the ability to change. I can overcome the fears that have held me back.

Now I am not saying that I want to be locked in a cage with a flock of pigeons. And I am not saying that I am ready to face everything that scares me head on. I’m just noting that there has progress, and progress gives me hope for greater successes ahead. And that is a beautiful thing.

The Un-Friend Friend

We all have them. They are our non-friend friends. Those people in our lives that make us question why we let them in, in the first place. Those individuals who tend to complicate our lives by bringing an unhealthy dose of negative energy. They are poison friends. They are emotional vampires sucking out our precious well being.

So why do we keep them? I know I for one have a hard time letting go of people that are not good for me. I think it’s partly because extracting such people from my life typically involves some sort of confrontation. I guess there is a way to phase people out, but this depends on how intimately involved with the person you are. I mean if you are spending lots of your precious hours with someone, and then you are suddenly are not, well they might become suspicious. You will get that confrontation that you where trying to avoid, only now it will be on their terms.

So that does leave you with going to the person, and addressing the problem head on. This is exhausting, and often painful for the parties involved. And sometimes the toxic types of people are not receptive to what you have to say anyways.

So again, why do we keep them? Perhaps even more importantly how did they get in our lives in the first place?

Well in my case, these types of relationships seem to spring up when I am most vulnerable. In times of great change, or when I am feeling my loneliest. I can recognize that. But by the time I realize that they are not good for me, they have firmly rooted themselves in my life.

I suppose they do serve one purpose. When contrasted to the better relationships in my life, I can really see how good the good ones are.

Of course I really should make the effort to extract the weeds in my life. We all should, we have the right to be emotionally and mentally healthy. And if a relationship hinders that emotional health, then it is not worth keeping. It has been a hard lesson for me, but one that I know is worth learning.

Baby it's Warm Outside!

The weather is becoming warm again. I like the change. I like the sunshine. I have a pretty high tolerance for heat, which I can only assume comes from being raised in the desert. My mother says that my tolerance will become lower as I age, so I guess I should enjoy the heat while I can.

With flowers blooming, and the sun shinning warm on my face, I can’t help but feel my personal brand of cautious hope. Despite my typical tendency to be pessimistic, I find myself swinging dangerously close to optimism as of late. It is strange feeling comfortable in my own skin because self doubt and insecurity in the past been such steadfast companions.

Now am not saying that I am ready to hang up my negativity hat for good. I know myself too well for that. I am aware that I have lots to deal with in the next weeks, and I will have plenty of opportunity to beat myself up, should I give into it. 

But for the moment, I am happy. We finished a successful run of THE MILKMAN, the first time something I wrote was produced (so exciting). I have a loving family and great friends, both new and old who fill my life with more pleasure than a person has a right too. There are some opportunities on the horizon that look promising which is always exciting.

And most important the sun has been shinning!!!

Who knows what the next days will bring. But right now, in the moment I am happy, and I will choose to embrace and honor that.

We Have Voices... We Must Use Them!

We all have something to say. We have convictions, passions, and reasons for speaking up. But there are times when people don’t want to hear what we have to say, or don’t like the way we say it.

Doesn’t matter. Say it anyways.

May we all have the wisdom to be open, and receptive to opinions that are valuable to our growth. May we also have the wisdom to defend ourselves from the opinions that do not serve us, but rather seek to tear us down, or make us feel small and insignificant.

I hope that I am always strong enough and convicted enough to use my voice!